yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
