I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
