maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
