My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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