Dignity is for republicans.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
