Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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