I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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