its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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