now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
