I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
