so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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