I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There r osticjed everywhere
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
