hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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