Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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