I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We're too hungover to prance.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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