I want to walk on stilts...naked
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
