Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Those nachos came to me in a dream
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
