last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
