You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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