I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
