Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My pussy is not your playground.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
