Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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