Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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