how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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