guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i drank out of a bidet.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
