So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
