He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
