wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
