time to smoke my breakfast
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
