WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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