i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
