The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
