I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
nutella sex= disaster
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
