____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
