god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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