I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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