I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize