explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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