That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
