she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
