He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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