did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
