You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
