I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
