Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the day after is always just damage control
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
