Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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