Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
is it fun? or sober?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
