I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Congratulations! We have a period
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