he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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