Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
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i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
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I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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