Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
look no pants
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
