chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
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I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
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Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.