Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.