similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess