Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.