just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.