Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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