This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
