How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
