No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
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FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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