So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
