You just made me feel so damn special
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
