I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Welp...herpes.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
