Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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