I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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