guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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