It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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