I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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