I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
