As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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